Saturday, July 28, 2012

Dirty fan...

When I was awoken at 5 am this morning I craned my neck instinctively to listen to the monitor and see if Simon was getting an early start.  He wasn't.  The fan was just imitating sounds of a person slurping the last of the coke from ice in the bottom of a Wackdonald's cup....

Ok seriously, I can't imagine that it was as loud as I imagined it to be... But it kept me awake until past 7 am.

During that time I started wondering why I've become so enamored with blogging.  I began to rule out one possibility at a time...
  • I'm not so narcissistic I think every word I utter is golden prophecy.  In fact I deliberate painstakingly over each and every word I write to make sure I fool people into thinking I'm not a total idiot.  (you should know it took me an hour and a half to make sure that last sentence was prefect.)
  • I don't really care much for trends or trendy stuff.  In fact I've only recently honed my fragile gag reflex so that I don't accidentally launch tacos at the people who say, "YOLO!"  or "Kardashian"...  Now if people say those 'words' in my presence, projectile vomit is very much deliberate. 
  • I don't generally care what people think about me.  In the really real world, I'm usually so lost in my own brain maelstrom that I'd prefer people not to notice me at all.  So if you see me walking down a sidewalk talking to myself like a loon, it's not because I'm crazy... It's because I want you to think I'm crazy so you won't talk to me.  Wait a second... does that make me crazy?
    I don't dislike you... I'm just awkward sometimes.  And trying to concentrate.  I really do love you.  I just express it better in here than out there. 
So after using this process, I finally understand why I am growing more and more addicted to blogging.
YOU.
That you are reading this right now and may or may not (but probably won't) post a comment is why I love it.  I want nothing more than to make your life less boring; albeit for only 1 or 5 or 20,000,000 seconds.
It's why I'm drawn to create... Be it music or stories... And I can't escape my responsibility of at least TRYING to infuse something of value here and there.

If I didn't write passionately, you would know.  You would say, 'David's being fake.  That sucks.  What a coward.  Let's go read something real...  with kahunas.'


18 comments:

  1. I'm sometimes thing I'm here just to amuse others, so nothing wrong with that.

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  2. Ars gratia artis. No one creates simply to create something, nor do they create only for themselves, nor do they create only for the audience. Creativity is a communal undertaking; art is a living, thriving act.

    It just so happens most artists like to talk to themselves.

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    1. I find it funny that I was reading this out loud by myself (after I googled ars gratia artis) when I came to the last line. :)

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  3. You are a man of many contradictions and passions: complex, simple, creative, and vulnerable ... never stop writing/feeling.

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    1. I definitely can't contradict with what you have said. In fact it is flattering and inspiring. Thank you.

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  4. I've been writing (ironically not drawing) since I was five and have never looked back for a second. I don't want to look like an idiot either and hesitate every time I press "publish." It is like I am just throwing myself out there.

    I think you have nothing to worry about in that department.

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    1. Well thanks! By the way, yours is one of my favorite blogs!

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  5. I’m so happy I discovered your blog today, David (I’m your newest follower). As I read your post I had to smile because you are so through and through a writer! :D What you’ve stated here (and you did so very well, by the way) are things most writers can sincerely relate to.

    After many years of writing, and a couple dozen books published, I’d love to say I’ve reached the point where I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks before I hit publish. Ah, but that would be a big fat lie. LOL I think we all (writers, artists and creative people in general) have those nagging little insecurities and it’s hard to shake them. The important thing is to push through the angst and just keep writing no matter what. It’s what we were born to do. And, as I said—I think you do it very well. :)

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    1. Susan, after a long weekend of cruelly editing my manuscript and growing less and less in love with each individual word, your comment is exactly what I needed today.
      I would never deliberately take credit from any individual who comments on my page, despite their intent.
      However, YOU have won the award for David's favorite comment. By far.
      Thank you very mucho.

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  6. That was an enjoyable read, David.

    I'm with you on Kardashian--WHO? And Why the hell do we care. What exactly have they done, aside from make headlines in incredibly stupid ways?

    Ahem, I digress.

    I'm glad I found your blog. :-)

    Sia McKye OVER COFFEE

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  7. Thanks for your recent follow. The world should ignore the Kardashians and move on to more important things...like getting NBC to understand the meaning of the words "live coverage."

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    1. You're right. Though more important than the Kardashians isn't saying a whole lot...
      And holy wow, you posted that before THIS even happened: http://insidetv.ew.com/2012/07/31/nbc-missy-franklin-olympic-coverage/
      "...effectively ruining the suspense for her viewers."

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  8. Well, you DO have a dry sense of humor--the kind that I appreciate. Following you now.

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  9. Well, there's nothing wrong with your reason to blog, David. ; )
    I'm following you now from over In the Shade of the Cherry Tree.

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  10. well damn YOU... that was disturbingly good. you rant, I'll read. and then on those full moon days, or the days I'm feeling extra spry, I'll comment. nice to meet you David. do you have a cat? if so, alive or dead? stuffed or frozen? ...never mind... don't tell me.

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  11. Talking fans are advance notice of the zombie herd to follow.

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  12. You are certainly not boring :)

    ........dhole

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